SELF DENIAL

 this is the most killing of all diseases ever discovered yet ignored, self denial describes a fellow whose true convictions have started loosing grip, convictions about what they can do, what they can handle and literally what good they can amount in life.
   a childhood thats raped of passion is as good as a memory of being in hell and cant lay off away, a youth thats dreamless is but only the right path to an adulthood thats full of regrets and tears.
thats how some of us live this life, superficially at some phases where the world seem to be laid with its weight on our shoulders.
   it could be a word said by a parent who cares or feels you cant be a name, it could be one of those expensive jokes you heard a friend made thats hurting as a hot toffee nut. self denial can grow out of so many negative reasons. reasons and conditions thats resulted from being around negative people. never to say we are to avoid our childhood friends who happened to be one of those geeks and jerks incubated in our very own world, as we might see them sometimes, but its also in that same vein that truth.
   you hurt inside and you don't wanna say it out, they trampled on your innocence yet you always try to impress them anyway. no! you are harboring what's taking your life by inches all the time.
   when i was a kid, the strangest word in my life is 'compliments'. when i hear parents of my friends praise their children i get an ironical feeling of being impressed, well am suppose to be by the other way- the right way, however deep down in the heart of my heart, i literally get uncomfortably angered.
   why? am i such a bad friend? am i being envious all this time? that i cant say, all i knew was mine own befitting judgments., and that is...of what pleasure is getting adored that lovely.
   frustrations! frustrations made me feel that awe-full, i get frustrated when those nice words are said, now not because they are being said at my presence, neither the thought of isolation the problem., its simple, i just never get that opportunity where they will be said to me. maybe because i don't have who to say them nice words to my endeavors and handwork!.
   when a teenager i remember when i celebrated the first day my father smiled back at me! amazing!.
   with a child this empty, i believe you can imagine what attitude life can make out of me, how beastly my thoughts should always, probably the most demonic face on the planet I'd chose me for the whole ride of life.
as life would prove it anyway, its now the other way round.
   i understood how lovely life can be when you are positive about people and circumstances. i also uncovered how wonderful it can be when you believe in your own self, despite it all odds, i stood out bold to chose my friends not let them chose me, which means am always looking for the right mirror for th household.
  self-denial has a historical stand of growth, it starts from a point and ends in to a big shadow and smoke for its victims.
self denial is what negative thoughts we keep in heads that affect our very heart of thinking.
  so how about resisting it all, the words, the deeds of friends, the negative remark and also moving on to have a sense of personal conviction.
though for a start it looks like an empty journey, but yet it pays from that same first step.
let the pains away and off you